How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
