Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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