Screwed.edu
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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