I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize