So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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