So drunk its hurt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize