oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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