Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that's an acceptable place to lick
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
