So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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