Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
