I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
