Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
