but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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