I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
