Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
