I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
