last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
