i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Alive.
So much puke
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
