It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
