one two three fourrrrnication!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
