Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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