I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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