dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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