theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
