my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
