he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i've created a new STD.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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