note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize