My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
