I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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