You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
