Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
