I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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