I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
