Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
