since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Green mimosas i think yes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
