wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was born a porn star she said
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
