put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
