Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
