that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
