Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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