found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
