you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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