Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
