I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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