In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize