My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
