So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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