got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize