Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
