we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
