i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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