U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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