I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
