I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
