So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
