just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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