Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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