there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize