Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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