it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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