I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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