you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
