Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
