I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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