Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
