he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
