dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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