This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
