You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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