Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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