AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
