why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
