I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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