I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
